Positive Thinking?

I’ll try to aim for it.

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1.

I had my first dream in which I can actually remember.

It was really weird as fuck.

Somehow I lost my shoes again

Turns out the flood of texts aren’t over either. :/

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In all honesty..

I’m losing faith. I have never really regarded myself as a religious person, but rather a spiritual person. Junior Year, by far, has been the worst year of my life. It has been a constant struggle. I understand that life has its downs, but down after down after down… It’s so tiring! I’m exhausted. I pray that I’ll see you again in some institution that resembles Heaven, but occasionally the doubts creep in. I just want to be certain. I want the assurance, I want to know that I will see you again, without a doubt! I need some more motivation. This shitty-ass week has allowed me to reevaluate my life. It has made me think. Although I know what I have to do and although I have some motivation to live out old dreams, I find my self unsatisfied. It has only been a week, what do I expect? I just want to feel a bit less, just so that I can get myself on the right track. I have really fucked myself over this year and this isn’t exactly helping. I am extremely emotional, I can’t help but to feel.

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(Source: nopatiencedearpatient, via iamequilibrium)

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Why are people trying to be my friend?

You don’t fucking know me, you barely fucking knew him.

I am not a friendly person.

This fucking social-network bull shit is about to drive me crazy.

Give me a fucking break!

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I don’t fucking know, bro.

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“It’s like I’m a 16-year-old widow.”

God, I can’t believe I just said that.

My mom couldn’t either.

I started crying again.

How much more of this can I take?

I will never be able to rest in your arms.

I will never be able to hold your hand.

I will never be able to kiss you.

I will never be able to sing stupid songs to you.

What hurts the most is not being able to see you.

We spent so much time with each other.

I remember that one day that I thought you were mad at me.

It drove me crazy that day since you didn’t talk to me.

I was going to apologize for any stupid shit I did, but I couldn’t find you.

Eventually you came back to the film room.

We started talking almost immediately.

I rolled up beside you in the wheelchair and you wouldn’t let me go.

You pulled me closer, even as I tried strolling away.

You didn’t want to leave that day.

You almost took me with you.

You picked me up, carried me to the door with you and kissed me on the forehead.

I fucking miss you, dude.

To think I won’t have any of that, any of it.

I just want you back.

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(Source: thehipsterkids)

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So easily have I gotten sick of people.

I’m really angry.. I’m not even sure why.

I guess it’s knowing that I have to live with an emptiness that can never be satisfied. Not for now at least.

I fucking hate life. -____-

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